Some of you may know me well enough to appreciate what I have to say...others may not know me as well and therefore care less about what I have to say... where ever you lie on that line...I hope you get something out of my pen on paper moment...
How long has it been since I've sat still and put my thoughts on paper? Too long. So as I was driving home from work today I just started thinking. I thought about how far I've come in life and where I'm headed. I used to write all the time. I wrote poetry daily. Since my life took some detours...I haven't put pen to paper. Why? I think because it was easier to ignore then accept. So I'm writing...
How many of us have accomplished goals that we set for ourselves when we were younger? Be honest now. How many of us were told by our parents that we could be president one day? The reality is....there have been 44 US Presidents since the beginning of the Presidency. 44...that's less than the amount of kids in 1 high school homeroom! The odds aren't exactly great when you think about it. Not that it's not possible...just not exactly reality for most of us.
We have been asked since we were young, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" But how many of us have actually followed through with that idea? Are you a pretty ballerina? A movie star? Better yet, a Rock Star? Or a Sumo wrestler? An astronaut? Are you a Policeman or Fireman or pro-surfer? What about being a lawyer or doctor or teacher? Some of us are those things. But we have these dreams as kids about having this grandiose life, because that's what we've been told will happen. Yet at the age of 31 I have accomplished only 2 of my original childhood dreams. 1. Get Married 2. Be a Mom That's it.
There are many jobs that are not suited for me and I know it. For example, there is no way I could ever be a lawyer. Why? Because I am not a confrontational person so why in the world would I want to argue in front of large groups of people? No thanks! I also know that I am not a salesperson. I hate being under pressure so why would I make you feel pressured to buy something? I couldn't be a police officer because of the fact that people scare me! I like living in my little bubble where I can pretend that the world isn't as dark and ugly as it really is. I'm not sure I could be a firefighter either. I like to help people, and I'm not afraid of fire or hard work...but I am scared to death of heights and I can't see myself climbing up that huge ladder... =) If I was going to be a doctor then I would've been a pediatrician - because I love kids. But honestly, I really never thought about any of those jobs. What did I want to be when I grew up? Alot of things. I wanted to be an architect because I loved drawing and designing houses. I asked for sketch/drafting pads that had all the boxes on them so that I could use 1 square to equal 1 ft. I had books of layouts that I designed and sketched. I even bought a stupid computer program that helped you design your own house. Did that dream come true? No.
I had a goal of finishing college and I started my college education by majoring in Sports Medicine. I had the great idea of becoming a physical therapist/sports medicine tech. I thought it would be great to travel with a team and tape up all those ankles, knees, and hands! I think I would've fit extremely well into that field. I loved my Human Anatomy class and I just loved sciences! But after a year of that...I was talked into changing my major to Business. Why? Because it was less work and easier! lol But did I finish college then? No.
While in college I was working for Starbucks and my DM had approached me about the Assistant Management training. I really thought about it...but then one of those detours jumped into my pathway and so I turned in another direction. Funny as it is...I am back working at Starbucks after having many other jobs in between. I love it. I'm happy there. I enjoy what I do and without it I wouldn't be me.
Tonight as I drove home I began thinking about what would make me happy. In the past few years I have found myself slowing fading into the background of life. We've moved twice in 5 years and I've lost myself along the way. It's inevitable that things chance and circumstances change ... but through it all I changed. No longer was I the fun-loving person that I had once remembered. The last time I was truly happy and laughing was in high school. I faked it pretty well in college and there were some times when it was real...but life changed for me along time ago. What would make me happy?
I became a wife (goal 1) and then we had 4 kids (goal 2). I finished college too. 11 years after I started but I finished. I have a degree in something that I didn't even think about until recently. My BA is in Early Elementary Education. I had a goal of teaching. Perhaps at a Christian School so that the kids could attend, but with our education system being what it is out here in California....I didn't get my teaching credential. So...here I sit.
So...what now? What would make me happy now? Goal 3 - Singing. I miss it. If I could be in a choir or singing group again I would love it! Goal 4 - Basketball. I miss that too. Luckily, I was offered an Assistant Coaching job for Hailey's club team so I can check this one off the list! =) I could put Goal 5 - A job that suits me...but I think I'm happy where I'm at. I actually look forward to going to work!
Even if it's not what I originally planned...it makes me happy.
Eventually, I will sing again. I will Coach basketball. I will join a Bunco group again. I will own my own house and actually live in it! (we own a house...but we rent it out). I will become organized. I will be the wife and mother that my family needs. I will be a friend to others and I will give where I can.
Every choice that I've made has affected my life in some way. Every decision is important. So I will decide to be happy. There are days when putting myself first isn't possible...but my name at least needs to get added to the list! So many times everyone and everything gets pushed higher and higher on that list until there are so many things ahead of myself that I get lost and forgotten. As a mom...it's easy to do. But the saying...."If mom's happy, then everyone is happy" is hilarious because it's true!!! There are days when I'm bummed....and I find that the mood of the house is the same. But on those rare days when I'm happy, upbeat and full of energy...then so is everyone else.
So even though I didn't become the architect or physical therapist that I had always wanted to be... I have become who God intended me to be. That doesn't mean that when the kids are all grown up and out of the house that I couldn't go back to school to become an architect...lol =) It just means that right now...I am everything I need to be.
With kids... I am a lawyer - or more like a judge! I have to determine who is telling the truth and who is lying. I have to issue punishment for the crimes!
I am a chef, a chauffeur, a life coach, a cheerleader, a maid, a friend, a doctor, a fireman (but hopefully not as often!), a teacher, a guidance counselor, an example... I am a mom.
